23rd July - Just a meander through life!!

Here we are at the end of July, the days are warm and long. As we pass along besides fields crops are nicely maturing. If we look up the trees already have fruits and seeds growing - conkers, acorns, apples and plums. It is a bountiful time of the year. It is also a great time to reflect on not only the previous 7 months but also life in general. Things may be "bad" or difficult right now, but is this not just a snapshot in time.

It may be asked "what is he going on about now?" or you could say "everything is bad and there is no way out" so let us explore things a little..........

When we drive down the road we are plagued with a rash of speed cameras. We pass one below the speed limit and everything is fine. As we approach the next one a car pulls off a drive in front of us. All we can do is accelerate hard and go past the car. The camera sees our speed at that point as above the speed limit and takes a photo. The camera does not see the circumstances just the speed. It sees no mitigating occurence and we are prosecuted as the oblivious driver who caused the issue carries on unware.

This is a snapshot of that instant. It takes no account of the past just that very moment.

We drive down another road, on this road there are also speed cameras, however, these measure our time taken over a distance - say of a mile - if the car pulls out and we have to speed up, the chances are we will quickly revert to driving below the speed limit again. Over a full mile we are within the limits.

This does not represent a snapshot, it allows for the past and offers a review of the whole distance. It is the whole picture.

Life is very similar to these 2 scenarios......

If we have a hard night, it is to hot, we can't sleep and when we eventually fall into a doze it is not very deep and no where near long enough. When the alarm goes off to get up we are sluggish and grumpy.

On the train to work we are still grumpy, now we have coffee in our system and the caffeine at least keeps us awake. Everyday we go on the train with the same people, that morning a fellow traveller is happy and smiles whilst saying "hello". But we are miserable, tired and now charged up with caffeine!! If we bother to acknowledge our colleague it is probably just to "grunt" hello" and then sink back into our own world. The fellow traveller is also upset by our attitude, he does not remember the occaissions the roles were reversed, he does not remember the normal days we are happy. All he remembers is that we are grumpy at that moment.

This is a snapshot!!

Coming home that night we see the same traveller. He has had a long day and is now tired and stressed. However we on the other hand are now fully alert, we have had a great day and are happy. We remember that the colleague tried to initiate a conversation this morning and we did not want to know. We ask him if he is ok? he grunts, we perservere and apologise for earlier when we grunted. We show interest in his day and listen to its issues. Sometimes we can offer advice or sympathy. At the end of the journey we are firm friends again.

This is not a snapshot. This is a picture

So in life there are 2 very clear scenarios. Both are relevant, and both exist to spurn on the other. Both scenarios are very real and both have piositive effects as well as seeming negative.

How, you ask, can my grumpiness be positive?

This is simple - we have been glum and non-communicative. Our fellow traveller has tried to help, but no we do not wish to interact. He has shrugged and gone back to the newspaper. So where is the positive -

Well it is later that day, on the way home you remember earlier and feel "guilty" about being so grumpy. You are aware this has happened and want to make ammends. The colleague is now grumpy, you persevere. And you help with his "snapshot" by listening and relating to it and previous situations. The snapshot of despair has been erradicated by a longer term picture of the past. By offering this support the situation is reversed. It could have been left, it could of festered and everyone says "forget XX he is just a grump" but you have said NO and stuck with it.

In life very few remember the good things done for them, however a bad occurence is never forgotten and always harped on about.

So try to remember the nice things instead. Remember the smile from someone. Remember the old man who saw you drop your wallet and called you back. Remember the youth who helped carry your heavy bags when everyone else walked past.

Do not dwell on the past, do not use the negative thoughts of the past become the issues of today. The past is gone, it has happened and cannot be changed. So put it to one side and concentrate on the NOW.

I appreciate this seems idealistic, I appreciate the issues this raises. I make little secret that I have been guilty of looking back, I still am at times.

This is why I offer this small piece of advice. I have been in the "black hole" I still at times think everything and everyone is against me. I all too often go over and over events that have already happened and what I could have said.

And this is the advice, because I would hate to know others could avoid some of the issues. Take each event as a "snapshot" because it is, but then look at it as a whole picture and solve it as such.

It was said "tomorrow the sun will still rise, and who knows what the tide will wash in?"

It is this that is life. Tomorrow will still be here, but who knows what new adventure it brings.

Now all I can ask is that you think about this theory and maybe it will help. I will welcome your comments.........