Help there is a big cat loose..............

Help there is a LION loose in the Clacton area, that is Clacton in Essex, is this much maligned county opening itself up for more ridicule???

Can an Essex inhabitant tell the difference between a Squirrel and a Lion? many would say NO!! If current press reports are to be believed this is correct, and if the television show about Essex couples, or changing couples, is followed, a Squirrel would appear to be more of a threat than a Lion!!!

It has been suggested that the Lion cannot be in Essex, why?  The 'Lion' that was seen in a field in Essex was just a Golden Retriever with a spray tan and hair extensions.

And the jokes roll on and on............


For the best news story ever, we just need 1 of The Only Way is Essex girls to be wearing a zebra style jacket & for that lion to swing by!!!

Text from Prince Harry: "There's a lion loose in Essex? Big deal. You should see the dogs in Vegas". Awkward.

- Hope they manage to find the Essex lion before somebody persuades it to get mane extensions and a vajazzle.

Now I could carry on here but I am going to stop, but as Mr Kenny Everett would say "It is all done in the best possible taste!!!"

But, if we look seriously for a minute, well sort of seriously, and just take a scenario..........

Mr Lion in Yorkshire, where he was seen last, hops on the train, that was held stationary for 2 hours because of him, and toddles off down to Clacton. Yorkshire is nice but we all like a holiday sometimes, so off he goes..............

Now he is in Clacton, he goes for a wonder in the woods and sees some friends, the odd Puma and Leopard, that we all deny exist(!!), and just enjoys a break. But then, shock horror he wonders out of the thick wood and finds that he is just in thick grass. Unintentionally a few humans see something, some take photo's and panic ensues.

To try and throw trackers off the scent all poo is collected in poo bags and put in bins, the Lion and all his friends run around roaring randomly so that stupid people say they heard a huge pack of Lion's at all sorts of places. The police and searchers decided that 1 of 2 things we going on here -

1. The whole thing was made up and people are just messing around now, after all this is Essex, and as said this might be a squirrel and balloon!!
2. It might really be a Lion, and they are dangerous, so refer to No.1 and deny all knowledge of this No.2!!!!

So the police have an ideal get out clause, the people of Essex are victims of their own past reputation, and now all things being equal Mr. Lion can have a nice holiday, and when ready can get a train back up to Yorkshire!!!!!